I am not a pioneer

Each Sunday I drive my Honda across the 74 bridge on my way to our chapel located in Illinois. Without fail, every time I cross the semi-frozen Mississippi in my heated car, wearing my ¾ length 700 fill down jacket complete with fur lined hood, going 50 miles an hour, listening to my babies fight over animal crackers in the basket while listening to primary songs…the same thought runs through my mind.

I could not have been a pioneer.

How do you sleep outside when it’s 4 degrees, wind-chill -12…on a good day?

Oh, the body odor.

Oh the dried, stale, moldy, tasteless food.

No question about it. The Lord knew this and reserved me for a time when my climate temp was controlled by pushing an arrow button up on the thermostat. When toilet’s would flush at the flick of a finger. When the neighborhood grocery story would carry toasted hazelnuts. When the internet would have daily Groupons. And when items, such as a food scale, could be purchased at Bed Bath and Beyond with a coupons.

You see bread...it’s my nemesis. Attempt after attempt. Failure. I studied at the hands of many a master. Try as they may, it was to no avail. I picked up a few tricks along the way, but it never added up to a success. I just didn’t get it. How did the pioneers throw a dash of this and a pinch of that into a bowl, mix, throw it onto an open fire and come away it sweet homemade goodness? No Nurtramill grain grinder. No kitchen aid mixer. No temperature controlled oven. Are you starting to see the picture...as to why I was reserved for this day and age.

My family would have starved…or disowned me.

I have 150 pounds of unused wheat it my basement. A classic tale…someone was moving…didn’t want to haul food storage…we benefited. End of story. But are you really benefiting if you don’t know what to do with the stuff?

I had read that a scale helps to take the guesswork out of baking. Steve bought me one for Christmas last year…and I took it back. We were decreasing our carb intake and it wouldn’t have seen much action. So, I requested on, again, this year. That’s right. Asked my husband to go re-buy a gift he had already purchased, then returned, again. He’s a patient man.But I knew I would use it this year. 150 pounds of wheat, in the basement, staring me in the face every time I went to do laundry. I commenced food blog stalking…looking for recipes by weight. Sure, the fancy ones that taught you to make pastries fit for the Bellagio listed recipes by weight. But 100% whole wheat bread…not so much.

It’s wasn’t until I ran across a Romanian immigrant’s blog where she tested a recipe from Whole Grain Breads by Peter Reinhart, that I felt I had found something I could tackle, and maybe even win. Oh, and I also purchased a digital thermometer. Remember, I am not a pioneer. My first attempt was a complete victory. Finally, success! But was it a fluke? Luck maybe? Second loaf….just as awesome! Whole wheat pizza dough? Yum! Cinnamon raisin swirl bread? Sweet! So far, no failures.

I have purchased a total of 2 loafs of bread since the New Year. Let’s be honest with ourselves…French toast is best when made with the cheap, white trash white bread (I read a statistic that the lower level of education you have, the less whole grains you consume…hence I renamed white bread “white trash white”…in case you were wondering) and the cheese just doesn’t have the same opportunity to melt into every nook and cranny of homemade whole wheat bread.

Facts are facts.

So I would like to thank all of those you helped me get to the point I am today. A pseudo pioneer. I would also like to thank my family for willingly consuming my creations. Now, I’m off to consume some oat bran bread complete with flax and sunflower seeds. Oh, and I made kiaser rolls:)

P.S. I just purchased a groupon to Barnes and Noble so I could purchase Reinharts book. Again...not a pioneer!